hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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