GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
