guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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