We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
