uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
