Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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