I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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