I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize