I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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