i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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