I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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