I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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