I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
