you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So many bounce houses so little time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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