Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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