i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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