I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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