Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
