his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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