that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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