I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need moral support for this bender
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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