just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize