a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
