Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
