He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
