I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
