I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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