So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
