I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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