You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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