He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
