i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize