dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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