i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I FOUND THE LEGS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
