I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
