New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
