Non-Jews are for practice
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
