...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
