I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
