I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
