His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
