as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
