I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am mentally ready for anal.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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