so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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