True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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