was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
