i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
