My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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