forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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