Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
