just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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