I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
