textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
