I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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