the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
