Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
