i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
