Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
