I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
