i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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