Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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