god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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