is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
