don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
