wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
