absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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