he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
