I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
