mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
