Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
