What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
