can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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