Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize