Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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