Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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